Detach?

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!  How many times have we heard that one?  Before I moved two years ago, I was sitting with my meditation/reading group in the Parish House doing lectio divina.  I remember reading the assigned Gospel several times.  We went around the room sharing the word or phrase that struck us, we shared what we thought the Gospel meant and then we shared how we thought the Gospel was speaking to us personally.  What I shared I think shocked most of the women and even surprised me to an extent.  I said:  I believe the message for me this week is that I need to detach from my family!  Wow!  Double take for sure- but at that point in my life, being one of nine, I was exhausted!  Exhausted by the drama, exhausted by the dysfunction and exhausted by my desire to keep it all together.  Exhausted by my desire to “fix” the people and relationships that were “broken”, all at the expense of losing myself in the process.

During a conversation with my husband over coffee this weekend, a breakthrough.  I was expressing how conflicted I am nowadays – feeling such joy and peace and enjoying the quiet that surrounds me in my solitude and feeling a sense of guilt for not being as accessible to my family.  As I was expressing myself to my husband, I realized something – it’s not the distance that makes me inaccessible, it’s the realization that in my 46 years, as one of the youngest, I have lost my SELF as I have tried to lead “many horses to water.” I recognize as I write that the “horses to water” is my metaphor for “family members to peace through Christ.”  But they refuse to drink!  These past two years “away” have been eye opening and have allowed me the space to come into my OWN!  What a great feeling that is and I don’t want to lose it.  So I ask myself, after giving all that I have and all that I am, am I wrong to feel this way?

What I know now is, there’s a difference between being selfish and knowing when it’s time to let go.  Why is it that we feel guilty or selfish when we decide it’s time to care for ourselves?  Who said that we need to continue to suffer and put our own needs on a back burner to help those who take no care to help themselves, let alone others?  Who says it’s right to give so much to others that we have nothing left to give ourselves?  Looking back on the past two years and how I’ve grown and changed, I know that my new perspective is not wrong.  My God has brought me to this place – a place where I can be free from all distraction, a place where I can focus on my relationship with Him and be inspired to share it with others.  How can that be wrong?  Here is where I have realized my passion, here is where I have determined my purpose!

When I was a teacher, I would always tell my students “the grade you get is not as important as the work you put in to get it.”  In other words, if you gave it your all and all you got was a 75, then be proud of the 75.  However, if you slacked off on your studies and didn’t try your best and got a 75, then you should feel bad about it.  I guess the same holds true in life.  If you’ve given your all to someone or something, then the condition of either (whether it flourishes, remains stagnant or deteriorates) should not cause you distress, as long as you know you’ve done your best – you’ve given it your all!  If the horse you’re leading to water is refusing to drink (whatever that may mean for you), then maybe it’s time to DETACH and that’s okay.  To everything there is a season!  Do yourself a favor – don’t revisit the past, live in the present and don’t worry about the future.  I heard a priest once say:  the past and future are God’s, all we have is the present.  If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past and if you’re anxious you’re living in future.  Leave yesterday and tomorrow to God.  God Bless you!