fear Archives - Shepherd of Faith

Candlelight procession at Lourdes!

I’ve been away for quite some time. I miss writing but I feel uninspired. This, despite the fact that I have so much to talk about and share. Since I last wrote, I have traveled to Lourdes, France. I’ve shared in so many wonderful, miraculous and spiritual experiences. I’ve met some great people along the way. Before I left on my trip I was distracted by all the prep and anxiety of the trip. I was most stressed about being away from home for 6 days. Upon my return, I was distracted by the fact that in a few weeks I would be undergoing major surgery.

It’s funny how routine life can get. It’s even funnier how comfortable we become with the routine. If there’s anything this trip to Lourdes has taught me, it’s to STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. By so doing, you allow yourself the opportunity to receive the many graces and blessings God has in store for you.

So let me start at the beginning: I was given the opportunity to go on an all expense paid trip to Lourdes, France to travel as a caregiver to one of my friends who was applying for the trip through the Knights of the Order of Malta. The Knights organize this pilgrimage every year and sponsor several sick/disabled people, along with their caregivers, to experience the beauty, spirituality and healing of Lourdes, France.

At first, I was conflicted about being chosen to be a caregiver. Although I have been there on several occasions to help my friend with medical issues , I didn’t feel I was her “caregiver” as I understood that word to mean. So I told her I wasn’t interested in applying. At her insistence, I submitted the application and several months later got word that we had been approved to participate in the pilgrimage. I have to admit, I wasn’t the least bit excited. My routine was being challenged. In addition to my routine, I had to break the news to my husband who suffers from PTSD since 9/11. Ughhhhh! As time went on and after I received my passport, God gave me the grace to accept the gift and blessing. I actually started getting excited about it.

I’ll share photos and experiences in future posts. For now I’d like to fast forward to a month after my return home. The experience was one that neither words nor photos can aptly express. The magnitude of the “domain”, the presence of God and the Blessed Mother around us, the sense of community with fellow pilgrims from other distant lands was mind blowing.

What truly touched my soul was the fact that despite the state of the world, I feared nothing, I worried about nothing, I focused on nothing else but the faith I love so much. That, my friends, is a gift I can never ever repay! As a result of my experience at Lourdes, I have returned to my routine with a deeper devotion to the Blessed Mother, with a desire to maintain the palpability of God’s presence around me every day and a thirst to continue on pilgrimage! This would have never happened had I let my fear take control. FEAR – FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL! It’s not from God – let it go!

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us! St. Bernadette, pray for us!

Ave Maria!

Peace!

One step forward, two steps back! That’s what I think when I hear the news lately. The world has certainly come a long way when you think about where we are today with technology, health, education, etc. Yet I watch the news and immediately burst into tears when I hear of another black man shot dead for no apparent reason and the retaliation that killed innocent police officers simply doing their jobs. Why is it that we have enough intelligence and presence of mind to create things like a phone we can give commands to but we don’t know how or refuse to acknowledge our connection to one another?

I don’t know what the answer is. I even think sometimes I may be part of the problem with my judgments and flawed perceptions. What these reports make me realize is that WE, the human race, need to get our heads out of the sand. We need to start a conversation – with ourselves, with our families and within our communities. It should begin with an acknowledgment that there is a problem (regardless of whether we can relate to it or not). Our moral compass should tell us “this is not right!” Let’s not make excuses simply because we can’t understand what some people go through everyday. I started crying this morning watching the faces of all these young people who were killed in the past week. I think of the senseless murders, the pain of the families and worse – the hate that perpetrated it all.

Thanks to the Benedictine Sisters of Erie, Pa I learned to do lectio divina with things other than Scripture. They brought to my awareness, through retreat, the possibility of doing lectio with nature, art and the news. So I sit with my sadness and think about why I’m so moved.

I’m moved with compassion. On one hand I’m grateful for the fact that in my 46 years of life as a Puerto Rican woman, I have never “felt” the sting of prejudice or discrimination (it may have been there but I didn’t feel it – by the grace of God I wasn’t privy to it). On the other hand, I am saddened by the fact that my darker skinned brothers and sisters haven’t had that privilege and worse – the same people who rob them of the privilege are the same people who can’t understand their dilemma.

I’m moved with guilt because although I tell myself that I’m not prejudiced, I too am guilty of unfair judgments. I’d like to think that I am not part of the problem, but I know that deep down inside I really am. So, I’m moved to change my thoughts and actions. I’m moved to take Mahatma Ghandi’s words to heart. I have to be the change I want to see in the world. No more judgments, no more ill-conceived perceptions. It’s time to start seeing with new eyes. It’s time to start seeing that the person right in front of me is my soul sister or brother, no matter their race, religion or nationality. It’s time to start seeing EVERYONE through the eyes of love.

I contemplate the reasons why this is all happening now and all I can come up with is FEAR. Fear, which we know, comes from the evil one. Fear because so much of the world has strayed from the Truth. We have convinced ourselves that we are in control of everything and nothing could be further from the truth. How can we weed out fear from our lives, from our communities, from our nation and our world? Turn back to God, turn back to love! Evil, hate and fear need to be transformed to goodness, love and courage. This transformation can only be done by including God in our daily lives. It’s not as simple as it sounds. It takes time and effort because with conversion comes temptation.

Before we decide we don’t have time for all this work, let’s be realistic. For one thing, we waste so much time researching technology, with the intention to be the first to get the latest devices and then we spend countless hours trying to figure out how to operate them. We wait on a line for hours and sometimes even days to be the first to purchase the latest craze for ourselves and for our children. None of this feels like a waste of time though.

Interestingly, we find it difficult to take the time to nourish our souls. Reading a good book, opening and discussing scripture and sitting quietly while we pray – THIS is what many people see as a waste of time. It’s time we start realizing we may have everything we want but what we need to truly survive is lacking. This truth is evident in what’s going on in society.

Everyone most certainly DOES have the time to put God first, many just don’t have the will. Do you see a connection between what’s going on in this nation today and the fact that we’ve taken God out of everything? Major League Baseball is even debating the possibility of not singing God Bless America during the 7th inning stretch of baseball games because it’s offensive to some. REALLY?

In my last post I wrote about a bible verse in the book of Baruch which basically says if we follow God we will live in enduring peace. It reminds me of the bumper sticker which reads No God, No peace. Know God, Know Peace. Following God means more than just saying you believe, although that’s a start. Following God means putting Him first. It means taking the time to build a stronger relationship with Him. It means realizing He is your rock, your refuge, your strength, your fortress and sooooo much MORE. It means talking the talk AND walking the walk, which leads me to my point – all the latest news reports should move us to an examination of conscience, the dialogue must begin with ourselves.

Our challenge for today: Think about the first thought that pops into your head when you see someone who is different from you (a different color, different nationality, tattoos, homeless-you get the idea). Be honest. Is it a thought that has manifested from fear or is it a thought manifested from love? Only you know the truth. Hopefully this examination of conscience will move us closer to the Truth, capital T, closer to true love! God Bless you!

ALL LIVES MATTER!

In memory of Michael Brown, Jr., Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Dontre Hamilton, John Crawford III, Ezell Ford, Dante Parker, Tanisha Anderson, Akai Gurley, Tamir Rice, Rumain Brisbon, Jerame Reid, Tony Robinson, Phillip White, Eric Harris, Walter Scott, Freddie Gray, Randy Nelson, Antronie Scott, Wendell Celestine, Jr., David Joseph, Calin Roquemore, Dyzhawn Perkins, Christopher Davis, Marco Loud, Peter Gaines, Torrey Robinson, Darius Robinson, Kevin Hicks, DeMarcus Simer, Willie Tillman, Ashtian Barnes, Jessica Williams, Michael Wilson, Vernell Bing Jr., Doll Pierre-Louis, Ollie Brooks, Antwan Shumpert, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile; and

Officers Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael J. Smith, Brent Thompson, Patrick Zamarripa, Rafael L. Ramos and Wenjian Liu and many others not mentioned here who have died in the line of duty.

May the Divine assistance be always with us and may the souls of the faithful departed, by the mercy of God, rest in peace!